• If I could cum cheese whiz.
• If boobs had slurpee in them.
• Laser eyes.
• One word: talons.
• If talons was spelled: talunz.
• A leather owl or penguin.
• Cake, the food, not the band.
• If I could make a deal with god to trade Lars Ulrich for Cliff Burton.
• A desert island prison to put all teenagers until they turn 21.
• A middle finger that can be seen from space.
• Fingering.
• A hypercolor tuxedo.
• If clouds rained pee pee.
• A whistle that when blown makes everyone 12 yards shit their pants.
• A winged TV that follows me wherever I go.
• If church had orgies.
• Pants made out of actual fire.
• If boogers were actually nerds candy.
• Short circuit 3.
• A prosthetic falcon surgically attached to my shoulder. Either shoulder is fine.
• If magic shell made spaghetti sauce.
• Dorf on golf: The soundtrack.
• Bazooka hands.
• If I could fart lightning bolts.
• More handjobs.
• Fingering.
• A biomechanical wolf.

This list ist from the booklet of Christmas by the fantastic Old Man Gloom.